Dj Wuffy's songbook - Spilling my heart

Will the one come to me, because I'm tired to search him? Will happiness stay with me or will it just play it's painful games? Will I ever be able to say that I've got true love, or shall it be just another torturing illusion on the surface of my miserable life. My soul is cracking apart, so be careful, the pieces are now icy as deepest winter and sharp as assassins dagger. - Hiru

First of all, I'm going to list some of my past relationships, as I remember and experienced them, in no parcticular order.

1. Jaakko
Lenght: Month, maybe two.
Who ended: Jaakko
Reason: Misunderstanding and manipulation of friend.
Comments: We really loved each other, and had great times. Only later, after we broke up, I found out he lied to me a lot. His asshole friend manipulated him to believe things that were not true, and wouldn't let me and him alone settle things.

2. Mika
Lenght: Few months.
Who ended: Mika
Reason: I still dont' know the real reason.
Comments: I loved, and still love Mika really much. I wish that we would still be together. Sometimes it was though to be so supporting, but I'm not blaming him. I wish all good for him.

3. Vin
Lenght: About two weeks.
Who ended: Vin
Reason: I don't know if this is the real reason but he said that I'm not his type.
Comments:  Ireally dont' have much more to say that I cared and still care for him a lot.

4. Juuso
Lenght: Around two weeks.
Who ended: Juuso
Reason: He says that distance is too great.
Comments: He was really nice guy and I liked him. I think he should work a bit with his self-esteem and self control.
 

The ghosts of past won't let me go, their icy fingers still hold onto my broken soul. -Hiru

I wonder why I am doomed to not find myself a partner... For me, the looks isn't so important, but the nature of a person...

I also wonder, why so many doesn't understand the term "polyamoria".

Why shouldn't someone be able to love many persons instead just one?

These thoughts are almost all time in my head, and because I cannot understand, it makes me depressed...

I will now tell, who all I really care about, also, meaning al lof them would be very much wanted as my life partners. Though I am not probably going to get anyone from them as partner, because: